How many of you have found yourselves in a whirlwind romance? I hear it so often, and I have certainly had my own experiences in my past.
A few years ago, an interesting term caught my eye, then was brought to me again by a girlfriend who was reeling from her own break up. The term is ‘Love Bombing’.
Love bombing is a dizzying bombarding of actions intended to feel like love. It is overwhelming and so strong it doesn’t allow someone the opportunity to think clearly and assess the situation properly.
Wikipedia defines Love bombing as an attempt to influence a person by lavish demonstrations of attention and affection. It’s no secret that infatuation and love cause a chemical reaction in our brains that is intoxicating. Love bombing is a means of manipulation and the purpose is to get attention and sweep you off your feet.
Usually, this starts with doing everything they can to stay in touch every minute of the day. Excessive phone calls, text messages, emails, social media… every possible means to be connected as much as possible.
Oftentimes, people become victims of love bombing when they are at a vulnerable time in their lives. A love bomber will swoop in and do everything they can to fill that void. They tell you everything you need to hear and provide dramatic displays of affection to ensure they have your full attention.
A professional from Let Me Reach lists Common Lies of Love Bombing:
I can’t believe I’ve finally found you.
I’ve never felt so comfortable in someone’s company before.
No one understands me like you do.
You’re the most beautiful woman (or man) I’ve ever seen.
You have the most attractive __________ (eyes, hair, body shape, smile, dimples).
My Ex was a psycho, drug addict, alcoholic, schizoid, cheater, etc.
You’re the best girlfriend I’ve ever had.
I think I love you. I think I want to marry you.
I never got married before because I haven’t found the right person yet.
We have so much in common.
He/she pressures you into becoming intimate in a short amount of time.
Usually a narcissistic or anti-social personality type, these are people looking to fulfill a need within themselves, at the cost of anyone around them.
Texting, calling, flirting on your social media, and sending flowers are all things that happen during normal courtship, but a tell-tale sign of love bombing is when these things are happening unusually quickly. After two dates or two weeks may be a little fast. I once dated a man that sent me flowers every single week after only a few weeks of dating. It felt odd and over the top, but I followed right along because he was so attentive and sweet and that is exactly what I needed at that time. The entire relationship turned out to be a sham.
The only way to have a genuine love relationship is by taking time to get to know someone. And the key word in that sentence is TIME. A personality type that is prone to be a love bomber is good at mimicking those around them. Picking up the same personality traits, same likes and dislikes, and they usually target people with positive energy because they are trying to fill themselves with positive energy. They seem to be soul-mate material because they create this illusion that you are so much the same… so much in common… so much infatuation.
Love bombing is a vicious cycle that starts with idealization, then the partner devalues you, then discards you. And this cycle can repeat itself endlessly. If you find yourself in one of these relationships, or if you just started dating someone and they seem to be coming on too strong and trying to monopolize all your attention, you may want to take a moment to pause and re-evaluate.
And if you find you need some help and guidance, you are always welcome to call your Coach!